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Saturday, June 4, 2011

A little late for One word Wed...) The final straw

Erratic - luminous - Omen...

I should have seen it coming.  Knew her behavior for 34 years and after problems, and forgiving, but never forgetting, allowed her back into our lives.

This time, she managed to top herself. I thought she had plunged a dagger into our hearts ten years ago, never thinking we would heal.  We did.  This time, there will be no healing, no forgiveness, no forgetting.

I often said and have heard it said, that you can do anything to me, but don't mess with my kids.  No matter what age my "kids" are, they are still my kids.

My daughter and I planned our first holiday together.  We were and are still going to make it a yearly ritual.  Even after the fiasco of this last one.

A little history.  My Mother in law and father in law own a condo in Florida.  They told us we could go down there anytime we want.  They spend most winters down there and I figured there would be no problem going in April with my daughter.  I called to tell the out-law - in law and asked if it was OK that  my daughter and I  spend two weeks there.  Her first response was.."I'M GOING!"  Oh my God.  I was speechless, I knew  there was no way out, and she is a demanding, spoiled, narcissistic woman who would have her own way.  She knew it was daughter and mother, her intentions were to spoil it.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I should have seen the signs, the OMEN was there.  I felt it in my gut, and was nauseated at the thought of spending two days driving down to Florida and two days back and spending the rest of the time with her.

We wanted to drive our car, it is great on gas.  She refused that idea and told us we would take her van, which would cost me over 100.00 to fill up each time.  We accommodated her.  Took the van.

She has always had ERRATIC behavior.  Demanding and vindictive.  I knew this was going to be tragic.

I told my daughter that we should tell her that there was a change of plans and she had to work.  No, my daughter said  "No, let her come, I don't want her feelings to get hurt."  Ok... it was finalized.  She was going.

For days before leaving, I had a sick feeling in my stomach.  I tried to look happy and excited for my daughter, however the OMEN was there, I could not deny it.

The drive down went with just one incidence, and that was tolerable.  But, once we arrived at the condo, the demon was born and showed to be a force we could not reckon with.

She began to corner my daughter behind my back and say nasty things to her.  I caught her twice and asked her not to do that anymore. She picked on my daughter about what places to eat, we always gave in to her, after all she made it clear it was her van.  So, we were at her mercy in more than one way.

The days flew by and she continued her wrath.  The ERRATIC behavior grew more frequent and more hurtful.

Finally, I had enough.  I told her to stop, to please let it be a nice vacation and let us all enjoy the rest of the time we had.  Well, behind our backs she was calling her husband and telling lies about us.  He told my husband and the war started.

She continued to be nasty with my daughter.  I began to see there was a jealousy there.  My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship .She never had a daughter, though through the years, I took care of them when ill, spent every other Sunday there playing cards and visiting with them.  I tried to be that daughter.

We all fought.  I stood up for my daughter and she didn't like that.  Why would she think she could treat my daughter like shit and I am suppose to stand there and take it?

Two days of hell driving home with her.  She tried to pick fights with my daughter.  Finally her nastiness really showed.  Twice, she told my daughter - "I don't like you"  with a hatred and ugliness in her words and face.

This time, I didn't silence my daughter, she is 25 years old and can stand up for herself.  I crossed my arms in the back seat of the van and let my daughter tell her what she thought after being stuck with her grandmother for two weeks.  My daughter was sobbing, her face red and her breathing Erratic.  She was driving.

I had her pull over and I drove the rest of the way home.  Hours.  I didn't speak to her and listened to the radio, knowing my singing and finger tapping got to her, but at this point it felt good, knowing she was on the side of misery.

 When we pulled up in her driveway, our car was there, I told my daughter to remain quiet and to get our bags and leave without making a sound.  My father in law met us and when his wife got out of the car she yelled loudly enough for all the neighbors to hear  "I AM HOME FROM THE VACATION FROM HELL". Needless to say...  Lost it.  I told my father in law a lot that happened, I told him just like he has to stay by his wife's side, at my daughters side I remain.

I don't stop my husband from visiting his mother, though I do feel some betrayal there.

His mother insists on telling him her side every time he visits.  He knows, my daughter and I don't lie.  He told his mother he stands by our side.

Something came over me in that driveway.  It was LUMINOUS.  The sun was shinning brightly and I felt the warmth of it mixed with the blush of anger on my cheeks.  It was healing to be able to tell her what we thought and felt.  It was renewal.

It has now been two months.  I have had no contact with her.  As far as telling my daughter she didn't like her, she denies all of the things she did and said.

We miss my father in law and love him very much.  I have told him he is welcomed out here any time.

As far as her, the OMENS were always there.  Her nastiness, mean, and vindictive ways, always will be there.

But my daughter and I, will never have to be witness or  take any of her abuse again.

Sad story, but true.



  1. I've traveled with people like that a time or two. I came back from my own Trip from Hell with a brother in law only to have him rave about what a good trip it was. He had no idea how close we came to leaving him at the side of the road with his troublesome friends.

  2. I am so sorry you and your daughter had to endure that. I can't imagine if someone would attack my child like that, your right its one thing if its you (though you shouldn't subject yourself to that you deserve much better) but your child that's intolerable. My father-in-law is like that he's extremely volatile and paranoid my daughter is 3 right now and he's not mean to her but he's really really terrible to me. I keep my distance, I don't say anything as long as he's nice around my child but if he ever makes her feel the way he's made me feel, the way he's made his own children feel then he won't be seeing her again till she's old enough to decide. He's threatened to disown his children and abandon his wife just to break me and my husband up.