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Wednesday, May 30, 2012


The meaning of friendship

Today, I don't think people understand that sentence
It's not "who" you know, or, "What" they have
It's what they give from the heart.

People pretend to be your friend for many selfish reasons
They take advantage of what you can GIVE them
I am blessed, I have FIVE, REAL friends
No, they are my sisters and more

Some have more, some have less,
But, we have all of these special things
Love, respect, and a deep, deep friendship, a loving bond

When I say I don't think I could make it through life without them, I mean it
We laugh together, cry together, share our most intimate secrets and TRUST
The more we are together, the more I realize how blessed I am
Life is a struggle, but with all of them, it makes it so much easier

All of our personalities are different,  we know our own faults and strengths
We admit them, and don't have to  apologize for our short comings
Six, strong, caring, loving, honest women, together
A life-long bond that can never be broken.

To my sisters, I love each and everyone of you, and need you more than you will ever know
Thank you for being in my life. If I don't tell you enough, I know that you know I love you all

The Black Rose

He left a black rose on my pillow,nightly
Curtains snapped and lifted with the humid breeze that entered my room
A scent of musk, wafted and hung heavy in the air
A chill ran down my spine, the moonlight gave an eerie aura surrounding my bed

He, had no name, just a presence in my dreams, or so I thought
A kiss that left my lips swollen and ruby red
A touch that was cold, yet filled my being with fire

Demanding my submission, I gave it willingly
Unspeakable acts, that I surrendered to
He was pleased, I begged for mercy and more

Nightly, I waited for his presence
Afraid he would come, but, disappointed if he did not
His mocking laughter at my weakness
Sadistic power made me melt under his weight

Screaming for more, not recognizing my own voice
His coal black eyes burning sins into my soul
I knew I was a prisoner of his power
Not even God could save me


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Laughing through Life

Please visit : Three Word Wednesday

Today's words are Fawn, Juggle and Navigate

I watched as my father would fawn over my siblings

Me? I would navigate around his verbal abuse -

Justifying them, that it was my fault for being ugly in his eyes

Learning to juggle emotions, and laughing outside and dying on the inside

As an adult, I have learned we do not become what we are told we are

Though, it takes many years to realize it was not my fault. I still, am laughing


Monday, April 9, 2012

Three Word Wed -

Three Word Wednesday- I might be a little late for this one..  "Growl, Hype and Justify"

Three word Wednesday

I know it is Monday and soon the new words will be up.  These words, just seem to fit something I want to write about.

I expected a growl on our first meeting. Instead I was met with a slobbery wet kiss on the cheek and huge paws resting on my shoulders.  Wait! Am I suppose to be afraid?  I heard all the hype, I read all the gory details and the vicious dog laws.

I have owned many dogs, but, there is something different about owning Pit Bulls.  They are a dominant breed.  Proud, fiercely loyal, and rambunctious.  Stubborn as HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, stubborn as hell.  They are not a breed for everyone.  They require lots of attention and constant commands. BUT, they learn who is boss.  They learn that yes, they too, can be loved.  Despite of the bad reputation these dogs get, my daughter and I have become absolutely in love with them.

I am tired of having to justify my love of the breed.  Defend their natures and remind people, there are no bad dogs, just bad owners.

  This breed does have a jaw with pressure.  And, when they do bite, they don't let go.  However, NOT all Pit Bulls, are BAD, BAD, DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I own six dogs.  Two of them are pit bulls.  A male and a female.  They are adorable.  Funny, loving and just plain loads of fun to play with.  They are rescue dogs.  I probably will never own another breed, they have convinced me that they are wonderful pets.

Thousand of pit bulls are put to sleep each day.  There are laws that need to change and if your State or County needs to change their vicious dog law, please sign a petition. 

Please note, the loving dog on the right was put to sleep because we could not find a home for her.
Don't let others tell you horror stories.  Any, and I mean ANY dog can be vicious.  Please support your local rescues.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It's been awhile but....Pit Bulls???

I am still ALIVE and doing... well....well... "maintaining my life"

It seems so long that I have made an entry, and though I have visited here, I have lost motivation to write. Some call it writers block, others call it life interference.  For me, I can't find time, can't motivate and feel that if I do start writing it will sound like a bitch session, a pity post or boring as hell.  Whatever..... anyway.....

I want to get connected again.  Miss reading other posts and have decided that I need to read and write again.  Have felt lost in my own daily have to do things.  Tired of that, done with that and want to share with some of you, other things that I have been doing in my SPARE (what the hell is that??) time!

As some of you know from other posts I may have written (not sure that I have written about it or not) that I am involved in Pit Bull Rescue groups.  Fell into this by accident and have learned so much about the breed that I am now a pit bull advocate and absolutely LOVE the breed.  Misconceptions, lies, and rumors about this breed has led to so many loving pets being abandoned, put to sleep, killed, and owners having to surrender them because of laws in their communities.  The surrenders are probably the most heart-wrenching of all.  Loving owners who have had their pets for years, having to give them up, knowing they will be put to sleep because their communities banned the breed, labeled them vicious and if they do keep them have to take out enormous liability insurance that they just can not afford to keep them.

Please, like any other breed, these dogs are what they are because of how they are, raised, loved, cared for.

I own six dogs.  Two labs, a Rottweiler, a Chihuahua  and two American Bull dog, pit bull mix.  Out of the six, the dog that I have to watch the most is a lab. Wow!  Believe it or not a LAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He is not mean, but occasionally will snap if another dog comes to close to him and his treat.

My new found love of the Pit bull breed is amazing.  They are amazingly smart, loveable.  Mean? Ugh.. NO!

I foster Pit bull mix dogs because here in our City Kennels, they are put to sleep within 24- 48 hours of surrendering, found, or abandoned.  So... my daughter and I rescue, find them homes and love and put them through many tests.  Cat test, dog test, kid test, aggressive tests.  Guess what? Out of all the fosters, not one has shown signs of any of these traits.

Fostering, is not for everyone.  It is very hard on both us and the dogs.  The dogs, think they have a home and we get attached to them.  But, I keep in mind that I am saving a dog and finding them a furever home!

Please note, the pic is all pit bulls.  Mine, is the middle, the two others are fosters.  This was the very first day they met each other.  Wow.... don't they look mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Saturday, June 4, 2011

A little late for One word Wed...) The final straw

Erratic - luminous - Omen...

I should have seen it coming.  Knew her behavior for 34 years and after problems, and forgiving, but never forgetting, allowed her back into our lives.

This time, she managed to top herself. I thought she had plunged a dagger into our hearts ten years ago, never thinking we would heal.  We did.  This time, there will be no healing, no forgiveness, no forgetting.

I often said and have heard it said, that you can do anything to me, but don't mess with my kids.  No matter what age my "kids" are, they are still my kids.

My daughter and I planned our first holiday together.  We were and are still going to make it a yearly ritual.  Even after the fiasco of this last one.

A little history.  My Mother in law and father in law own a condo in Florida.  They told us we could go down there anytime we want.  They spend most winters down there and I figured there would be no problem going in April with my daughter.  I called to tell the out-law - in law and asked if it was OK that  my daughter and I  spend two weeks there.  Her first response was.."I'M GOING!"  Oh my God.  I was speechless, I knew  there was no way out, and she is a demanding, spoiled, narcissistic woman who would have her own way.  She knew it was daughter and mother, her intentions were to spoil it.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I should have seen the signs, the OMEN was there.  I felt it in my gut, and was nauseated at the thought of spending two days driving down to Florida and two days back and spending the rest of the time with her.

We wanted to drive our car, it is great on gas.  She refused that idea and told us we would take her van, which would cost me over 100.00 to fill up each time.  We accommodated her.  Took the van.

She has always had ERRATIC behavior.  Demanding and vindictive.  I knew this was going to be tragic.

I told my daughter that we should tell her that there was a change of plans and she had to work.  No, my daughter said  "No, let her come, I don't want her feelings to get hurt."  Ok... it was finalized.  She was going.

For days before leaving, I had a sick feeling in my stomach.  I tried to look happy and excited for my daughter, however the OMEN was there, I could not deny it.

The drive down went with just one incidence, and that was tolerable.  But, once we arrived at the condo, the demon was born and showed to be a force we could not reckon with.

She began to corner my daughter behind my back and say nasty things to her.  I caught her twice and asked her not to do that anymore. She picked on my daughter about what places to eat, we always gave in to her, after all she made it clear it was her van.  So, we were at her mercy in more than one way.

The days flew by and she continued her wrath.  The ERRATIC behavior grew more frequent and more hurtful.

Finally, I had enough.  I told her to stop, to please let it be a nice vacation and let us all enjoy the rest of the time we had.  Well, behind our backs she was calling her husband and telling lies about us.  He told my husband and the war started.

She continued to be nasty with my daughter.  I began to see there was a jealousy there.  My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship .She never had a daughter, though through the years, I took care of them when ill, spent every other Sunday there playing cards and visiting with them.  I tried to be that daughter.

We all fought.  I stood up for my daughter and she didn't like that.  Why would she think she could treat my daughter like shit and I am suppose to stand there and take it?

Two days of hell driving home with her.  She tried to pick fights with my daughter.  Finally her nastiness really showed.  Twice, she told my daughter - "I don't like you"  with a hatred and ugliness in her words and face.

This time, I didn't silence my daughter, she is 25 years old and can stand up for herself.  I crossed my arms in the back seat of the van and let my daughter tell her what she thought after being stuck with her grandmother for two weeks.  My daughter was sobbing, her face red and her breathing Erratic.  She was driving.

I had her pull over and I drove the rest of the way home.  Hours.  I didn't speak to her and listened to the radio, knowing my singing and finger tapping got to her, but at this point it felt good, knowing she was on the side of misery.

 When we pulled up in her driveway, our car was there, I told my daughter to remain quiet and to get our bags and leave without making a sound.  My father in law met us and when his wife got out of the car she yelled loudly enough for all the neighbors to hear  "I AM HOME FROM THE VACATION FROM HELL". Needless to say...  Lost it.  I told my father in law a lot that happened, I told him just like he has to stay by his wife's side, at my daughters side I remain.

I don't stop my husband from visiting his mother, though I do feel some betrayal there.

His mother insists on telling him her side every time he visits.  He knows, my daughter and I don't lie.  He told his mother he stands by our side.

Something came over me in that driveway.  It was LUMINOUS.  The sun was shinning brightly and I felt the warmth of it mixed with the blush of anger on my cheeks.  It was healing to be able to tell her what we thought and felt.  It was renewal.

It has now been two months.  I have had no contact with her.  As far as telling my daughter she didn't like her, she denies all of the things she did and said.

We miss my father in law and love him very much.  I have told him he is welcomed out here any time.

As far as her, the OMENS were always there.  Her nastiness, mean, and vindictive ways, always will be there.

But my daughter and I, will never have to be witness or  take any of her abuse again.

Sad story, but true.


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My son and I and music

 I know I have been away for awhile.  I hope to be around more often.  Please visit One Stop Poetry!

At the age of five I was told, he was hyperactive.
Medication was what he needed.
Of course, politely, I declined.
To the teachers disappointment.

I don't blame all teachers
in fact, I have respect for what they do.
However, some would rather you medicate
Then channeling the energy of a challenging kid.

Instead, I met with teachers and  principals weekly.
Trying hard to think of someway or somehow to help him
After-all, it was not his fault he had creative energy and-
at the age of five didn't know what to do with it.

Luckily, I had a set of drums in the house and a light bulb went off in my head
I led him to the spare room with the dusty drums, put him on the chair
And wrapped his fingers around the sticks.
I was witness to a miracle.

My son, with all the energy pounded and beat until he was tired
Daily, for hours he drummed.
I found drum teachers and they would teach him and then tell me,
he was just as good as they were and could teach him no more.

He was in band after band, was in love with music, art and the drums.
He taught himself to play guitar, keyboards and even went to a school for the arts.
Would medicating him take him down this creative path?
Because of his energy he was able to sit for hours doing something he fell in love with.

I am the proud mother of a son who has a deep passion for music.
He lives it, breathes it and is totally in love with it.
My son is grown now and if anything has brought us closer
It is music.

I've loved his music, I hated his music, I danced to it and hid from it
Music has made him the man he is today

Don't stifle creativity, let it run rampant, screaming,thundering through your house.
 I am proud of my son and the man he has become.
He can love, laugh, show passion and feel it.
 My son, and I and music - not necessarily in that order